Luckily, I don't have a Butt-in-the-Front...Yet!
Last night I was trying on some clothes that required a second opinion before throwing them into the Goodwill pile. Steve and I do this every few months because I have a serious problem holding onto clothes that are either from High School, have holes in them, or as Steve puts it, "just plain ugly". Why do I keep such things? Just in case ONE DAY they will come in handy - you know, for that camping trip when I shouldn't wear nice things, or because it was a gift from someone close to me and I will most definitely hurt their feelings if I don't keep it stuffed in the back of my closet for 5 years. Of course there's always that theme party that I MIGHT be invited to one of these days. Who am I kidding? I never get invited to parties, let alone THEME parties. Slowly, I am starting to look past the clothes and into the direction of practicality. In the last couple of weeks, I've been liberally throwing out clothes, and I must say...it feels DAMN good!
So, back to last night. I was trying on these khaki pants from Express that I bought over a year ago for $15. I was thinking they'd be great work pants. BUT, I have never worn them. Not once. Every time I put them on I feel like a frumpy, overweight mom who hasn't let her husband see her naked in 6 years. Picture this: the balding hubby comes home after a 10 hour work day and catches a glimpse of his asexual, crotchbutt wife who is wiping their 8 year old autistic son's ass, and he thinks to himself, WHY ME?! THIS is exactly the type of woman I become when I put on these pants.
But, I wanted Steve's opinion, just in case I was completely wrong. I did a little spin for him, he liked what he saw from the back, and I asked what he thought about the crotch region. He said it didn't really look that bad, that I was imagining it. He suggested I keep them for work, until I pointed to my groin and said, "I just feel like there's so much room for a Butt-in-the-Front". Steve replied, "Sweetie, then maybe you should keep them for when you actually have one."