Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Catalina - The Sleepy Island

Dear Catalina,

First of all, I miss you. You are so quaint and small and unique. I think about you often and how special you are. Spending a long weekend in Catalina was like vacationing on a tropical mexican oasis. Thank you so much for the fancy boat ride from the mainland. How delightful it was to be transported to Avalon in such style. I felt like a million bucks. I will give you one tip however: I'd really appreciate the Catalina Express even more if you put some of those large group tables, you know, the ones that fit like 10 people, next to a window. That way we don't have to split up our friends. Oh, and in the future, please let us bring our own beer on board. Think of it this way - the more beer we consume, the more snacks we're gonna want from you. Now you're catching on...

Anyway, arriving in Avalon was a treat. Palm trees, beautiful hillside houses, spanish tiles, cute shops and restaurants, men in thongs....WAIT! A man with a tiny pouch over his private is NOT a treat. I would advise that you prohibit thong-clad men from the island, as they distract from your beauty!

Your hotel, Viva Vincentes! was perfect! (ok, ok, not perfect - let's update the VHS collection, shall we?) But, VIVA! we enjoyed this place. The courtyard was the perfect spot for the boys to relax and drink beer while the girls spent hours getting all gussied up for YOU. I appreciate the refrigerator in the room so that we had ice cold bevs and were able to make such tasty cocktails! And, thank god for Vons (very very sneaky having two Vons on two identical blocks - you tease you) because we were in dire need of snacks and breakfast. Come on, who eats at Continental Breakfasts? I'd rather starve. Viva Vons!

Now, don't get me wrong, I completely understand that the island is a tourist trap. We are literally trapped out in the middle of the Pacific on a tiny, congested, suffocating island, so you can pretty much do anything to us, and we have to comply. But, honestly, do you really have to charge 18% tip for a group of only 6 people? Eight people would make more sense, but six? Are you so economically challenged that you must charge for water at a bar? Are you condoning alocholism or drunk golf-carting? Do you enjoy cleaning up puke and urine from your stone-clad steps? Do you get off watching fights break out with your waiters? Because, Catalina, I guarantee if you keep charging for water, you're going to have quite a few incidents on your watch. Hey now, don't yell - I do understand - we decided to come to you. If we don't like it, we don't have to stay. Is that what you're trying to tell me? Alright, alright, I get it. I'm over it. I love you regardless of the high prices and ridiculous rules. Oh, Cat, you're so cute when you're upset.

You know what I love most about you? No silly, not your hot assphalt. Your wide selection of ice cream! A girl loves her ice cream and honey you know just how to treat a woman right. Thinking back, all I really needed to eat was ice cream and pretzels and I woulda been set.

Catalina, I think your water activities rock! We had so many options - lounging on our raft in the marina (or on the sand), peddle boating, motor boating (haha), jet skiing, and kayaking. Unfortunately, your small, weak pals couldn't hang with the big dogs and had to stay behind while they went kayaking. I'm sorry, don't get offended! You really think I could kayak for 4 hours straight? Oh, right, I could have relaxed on the beach for a bit and then went for a swim? NT, Catalina! I don't go in cold water and I don't kayak for 4 hours, got it?! One hour? Definitely. Two? Probably not. I promise you, Cat, I wil be back and I will go jet skiing. I'm pretty disapointed in myself for not going for it last time. But hey, your peddle boats were awesome (aside from the greasy steering lever) and really gave me a great quad workout. Vacation and exercise - you're such a smart island.

Smart island yes, but definitely a sleepy island too. (Hey, we have so much in common!) Why do all of your stores and restaurants close so early? Do you really think we spend all day kayaking that we are too worn out to party? Hell no. We LOVE to party. We love partying with YOU, Catalina. Why are you so tired all of the time?? I'll tell you what - the Chi Chi club is something else. You really outdid yourself there. Pool tables, photos of naked women, underage admittance, a nice make-out corner. Wow, Cat, I'm impressed. I even got my boyfriend on the dance floor! That has never happened! He must have really felt your vibe. Thanks! I am so grateful to you for that!

I really had a great time. I hope you don't think I was disapointed in my weekend. Granted, I might do some things a little differently next time, but I'm definitely interested in coming back! Here's what I would like to do next time:

  • jet ski
  • rent Air Bud on VHS
  • have a romantic dinner at the restaurant on the corner near Viva Vincentes!
  • ride the buffalo
  • rent a bicycle
  • tour the backstreets and see whats on the other side of the island
  • talk to locals
  • lounge on the beach more
  • sing kareoke
  • rent a vacation cottage

Thanks again, Catalina. Bon Voyage!



1 comment:

  1. Interesting perspective from a very creative and talented writer.


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