Bum Heaven

Sorry I haven't written since Cincinnati. It's not that I've been swamped, but really I have had nothing interesting to write about! I guess the most unusual thing that has happened in the last couple of weeks is my boyfriend almost getting jumped by a bum! We were walking downtown, minding our own business when a homeless man with two pitbulls walks past us. As soon as he passes us, he starts muttering in a really vulgar tone, "don't even think about saying what you're thinking, MAN!" And I was a little confused since Steve didn't look at the bum, or say a word to him (which is actually rare). So Steve turns around, bewildered as well, and yells "What did you say?" and the bum yells, "You heard me you son of a bitch!" And Steve yells back, "F*** YOU!"

While this is happening, both parties are still walking slowly backwards away from each other, so at this point we are probably 50 feet from the guy and as soon as Steve yells what he did, the bum rips off his backpack (all I remember is his huge beer belly jiggling), and he starts to come towards us, threatening, "OH YA?! COME ON OVER HERE AND I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!" So of course Steve is getting all riled up and says, "You should shut your mouth!" and now the bum is REALLY angry and again makes a move towards us. I start freaking out, pulling on Steve's arm saying SHUT UP and LET'S JUST GET OUT OF HERE! Because there's no way that worthless blob could catch us if we just book it. But, of course we realize there are two pitbulls eyeing our every move.

The bum tells Steve that he should either shut HIS mouth or come over there and fight it out. Finally, Steve gives up on this loser and says "You're right, I'll shut MY mouth. Now, get out of here!" So the bum stares us down while we walk away, and I keep looking over my shoulder to make sure he doesn't let those dogs loose on us. It was so scary!

My advice: stay away from bums, especially ones with pitbulls - you won't ever win a fight.

And one question: why aren't people in this town concerned over the vast homeless population covering the town? Everyone here cares too much about buildings being shorter than three stories, or that the quaint feel of the town will be disrupted if a Target moves in, or that there are no drive-thrus because we all know drive-thrus make cities look "ugly" right? Well, I think drive-thrus are awesome because you don't have to get out of your car if you just want a quick bev! I also think Target is the best store on the planet, and I would be more willing to pay $900 in rent to live here if we had one. And tall buildings are cool and give the small town a more metro, invigorating feel. BUT, more importantly, I feel that the homeless situation in this town is out of control. If they want such a perfect, pretty little town, build more shelters, hire police to patrol violent bums, don't allow 16 year old runaways to loiter in front of your business with their mangy dogs. This is not France - you can't mask the stench of homelessness with perfume and flowers.

Still here!

I'm still here in Cincinnati..actually I am in Forest Park, but I did get a chance to drive into downtown Cincinnati this afternoon. I couldn't come all this way without at least catching a glimpse of the big city. I was pleasantly surprised by how clean and pretty the city was. I drove along the river where there were brightly colored bridges, and old-fashioned homes with tall white columns all along the water front. I drove up and down the one-way streets, and took pictures of the architecture and criss crossinig bridges.

Class is over for the week, so I am heading back home tomorrow morning. I wish I had a flight out tonight because its only 5pm, and I ran out of things to do. I spent another few hours at THE MALL! yesterday and overdid it a little bit :) My new wardrobe and 4 textbooks will make my suitcase too heavy to carry, so I will have to check my bag. Pray to the luggage gods that it doesn't get lost!

Tonight I plan on grabbing some dinner at the local grocery store, and checking out some residential areas to see what it's like to live here. I am fascinated with the differences between cities in this country...every place I go is so different, and everybody has so many different perspectives on life. I learn so much about myself and the rest of the US when I travel like this. I LOVE it.

I learned that the traffic lights here are yellow and hanging on thin little wires. It looks really funny and I really wonder what happens when it gets windy. I also learned that people really love fast food here. Big Boys, Steak and Shake, Wendys, and Skyline Chili are the biggest hits in this town. The drive-thru lines are always long, and the parking lots full. My class partner, from Tennessee, told me how "crazy" it was that Walmart in town sold liquor! He has to drive 20 minutes to his local liquor store for it. I've heard of his situation in other states too, but of course in CA, liquor is available EVERYWHERE. When I told him that there is no smoking in bars/clubs in California, his eyes got wide and he said, "that alone makes me want to move to California!" :)

Well, I'm off in my fancy Mustang to see some more sites!

Cincinnati!

My shoulders are rubbed raw from carrying two heavy bags across two airports for hours. I don't know how I did it, but I managed to lift my huge bag over my head into the luggage compartment all by myself. Usually I ask for help, but this time I decided to try it on my own. What a huge dufus with my face all tweaked and red and sweaty trying to lift that dumb red bag way up there so high. And the old lady next to me says, "you're a lot stronger than you look, you little thing you" That's right! BOOYAH! UHH! I said.

So yeah, here I am in my hotel room outside of Cincinnati. I can't even see a city anywhere. No big buildings, no lights, no excitement. The best thing around here is a MALL! OH MALL HOW I LOVE THEE! I spent three hours after my class today at the mall! I probably looked crazy because I was wide-eyed and drooling all over myself. So many stores to choose from, so much time!! Here is what I get in SLO: Abercrombie and Fitch ($$$$$$), Express ($$$$), Banana Republic (for those days I feel like swimming in my clothes, and who would buy a Banana blouse just to wear to bed?), and hmm..oh, right, those are my ONLY OPTIONS so you understand my excitedment, right? I'm going back tomorrow...and the next day. :)

I went to dinner at the Cracker Barrell tonight. I saw it as I drove up to the hotel, and I was so excited because I used to go to the Cracker Barrell in Georgia when I visited my grandma. I just HAD to go! Oh my god, this place is hilarious. It was full of decrepit, fat people with no teeth (but really friendly and happy decrepit, fat people!) The host was this jolly black man who smiled so hard while telling us the special, I thought he was going to start cracking up at the sound of "porkchop". The entire menu consisted of fried this and fried that. I got the fried chicken (of course), with mashed pototoes, gravy, biscuits, and corn! I don't think the Midwest believes in spice, because everything was bland, but with a sprinkle of salt and pepper, it was DELICIOUS!!!!!!! And get this - my entire dinner cost $7.60!! My boss is going to see my expense report and give me a raise! I went on and on about how cheap this place was, and the people I were with were like, "Really?? Looks like these prices are higher than the CB in Tennessee!" Whatever cheapos, I haven't paid $7.60 for dinner since...who knows! I'm damn happy about this!

Anyway, Cincinnati is definitely different from home. I miss my Billy. I enjoy seeing new places, but its always better when you have someone to share it with.

OH, BTW, I got a brand new Mustang convertible for my rental car!! Cincinnati in style!! :)

Schedule of Events

I'm going to Cincinnati for work next week. The weather is supposed to be stormy and cold :( I am looking forward to seeing a new place, but unfortunately most of my time will be spent in a classroom learning about Industrial Ventilation (WHOO!!) I also have several work projects that I will be working on after class in my lonely hotel room. God, this is going to be a great trip! :)

Next on the agenda is camping with the Cub and Pup in Big Sur the first weekend in May. We reserved an $80 campsite, so it must have some mighty fine amenities! Maybe an extra large fire ring, or even a picnic table sans bird poop. Maybe the site is all grass and no dirt. Oh I know! It must be bug free! Anyway, it will be a fun time. I plan on drinking heavily and bbqing some mean burgers. What do you think, Rachipoo?

S and I will also be attending Joanna's graduation from the University of Arkansas in May. We are flying there Thursday night and coming back Sunday. I told Joanna two years ago that I would come visit her in Arkansas, and I decided to wait until the last possible second, which is very uncharacteristic, but whatever, it worked out in my favor since the plane tickets were only $250. So, I'm going to Arkansas and I'm very excited about it!

At the end of May I will be attending my brother Philip's high school graduation in Montana. With a class of about 50 students, the ceremony will be short and sweet. My mom promised to take me to "The Mint" a fabulous restaurant in Bozeman. Filet Mignon please. She knows my heart!

From Bozeman, my mom and I are flying to Minneapolis, Minnesota. I am going to a convention for Industrial Hygienists for work. But, the best part is we are going to the MALL OF AMERICA!!!!! I can hardly contain my joy!

After the convention, I am driving 4 hours to Madison, Wisconsin to visit our headquarters. I'll be spending one or two nights there and then driving to Milwaukee and flying back to SLO. WHOO I am so excited to explore three new places!

But, I'm not done yet! Looks like a quaint weekend getaway to Catalina is in order. The baby animal party has moved locations and we're all going to meet up for an Island Adventure. No official plans yet, but as they say, I'm super "stoked!"

My mom is coming out for the John Mayer concert in July. I think maybe more of my family is coming for that too because it's probably the best event that could ever happen to Paso Robles.

Sometime in between all that boring stuff I'll be making a visit to Long Beach to see my Helya! I haven't been in awhile and I always love going there. I promise I'm coming! At the end of the summer, S and I are trying to plan a trip to Seattle and Vancouver for a week. This is still tentative, but I really, really want to go. I'm also going to UCSB's graduation June 14th to see my baby Katie graduate! I can't believe it! My friend Jackie is having a babyshower in Walnut Creek at some point this summer as well, so I will hopefully be able to go to that. (Mom, you should come visit Lisa and Brian during that weekend and we can stay with them!)

Then of course, moving day is August 1. I HATE MOVING!

Phew, I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

Cottage News

My cottage is officially off the market. My landlord rented it (already!) to a girl who goes to Cal Poly. She seems really sweet and nice, which is the kind of person I wanted taking over my place. I will be so sad to leave it, but I'm glad it will be in good hands. :)

Now, I just have to find a new place. It's so frustrating looking for a place to live in this town. Most of the rentals I am finding are either too expensive, junky, near Cal Poly, or in the middle of nowhere. Or, the first question the property management asks is, "are you a student"? NO. We are NOT students, and I'm getting sick of people asking or even assuming that. We are thinking about moving to Morro Bay for a change of scenery. Plus, the rent is cheaper. Really, we just want to live somewhere that is walking distance to something.

So, I want to have one last hurrah at the cottage before moving day. I have to be out of there by July 31st. I need a baby animal party at least one more time! But don't worry, our new place is going to be just as welcoming to all of you lovelies. Plus, you won't have to sleep in the kitchen!

Gullible

Today, I got a text from Heather saying, "We're having a baby! I'll call ya later...still at the Dr."

I texted back, "OH MY GOD. Call me AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!!!" and screamed to myself, "AUNTY JAIME! YAY!"

Mid-text to Rachel, telling her the wonderful/crazy news, Heather texts me back, "Haha! April fools!"

Me: "I HATE YOU"

Heather: "Ya, I'm a BITCH"

Me: "I really wish you were pregnant though!"


Heather, get pregnant please. You're going to be so freaking cute. :)